Where Do I Go From Here?

****Disclaimer: some people’s feelings may get hurt****

I’ve recently felt very alone. I have plenty of friends and my life is truly fabulous, but I come from a place where many of my very best friends are white. With all the insane #BLM things happening and police brutality, I’m not really able to explain to them how I feel, and they also don’t really ask. I assume it stems from not wanting to say anything and have it come out the wrong way, or not wanting to make things awkward or possibly just not knowing, understanding or caring.

It stresses me out because, I’m really busy with work at this point, and we’re only 10 days out from the Democratic National Convention. Things have begun to kick into high gear, and I’m working all types of hours, constantly, but I’ve noticed that since everything went down when I do have down time I’m not sure who to talk to anymore. Aside from my closest friends being white females, most of my other close friends are guys and they don’t really get all my unsmoothed edges and boy drama the way my girlfriends do (or maybe did?) I’m really torn though, because at this point I’m seriously like good lord, well who do I turn to? Anyway, to the boys my issues seem like trivial things, but to me it’s obviously the end of the world, but I digress, so I just refrain from talking to them about stuff like that. Also, my other friends live super far away from me and are living their lives being fabulous, wonderful and prospering, so I’ve found myself in this weird uncomfortable limbo where I kinda just go from:

my internship -> work -> home -> internship -> work -> home

and it’s become a cycle.

A lot of times I’ve refrained from discussing race with my white friends because I’ve never wanted to sever ties with any of them, although I know that race relations, topics and issues are definitely something that could drive a wedge between a friend and I. I feel horrible that I would let some amazing friendships crumble all because of that, but here’s the thing, these aren’t trivial matters to me. This is my life. These are things that I have to deal with, and you’re either with me or against me at this point.

For right now I’m just going to work on myself because I’ve got a lot to deal with.

-Signed, a confused black millennial-